Yesterday I was afraid. As a matter of fact I’ve been afraid (maybe terrified is a better word) since the day I started my business. But today (literally today) I’ve turned to face fear straight into the eyes and I’m running into it face first as fast and as hard as I can.
You see… I stuck it all out on the line once. Once, 8 years ago I had a very successful business and in a moment it failed and fell apart. I fell apart. I tried to do what most people do… get back on the horse. That I did but now it wasn’t the same anymore… I was terrified. Of course I didn’t let anyone around me know that. I just put a smile on my face and tried stay positive. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? But, positive felt so fake… truly I was so afraid. I felt like such a fraud. Here I am trying to help women and I’m probably the biggest scaredy cat of ’em all.
I started another business almost 2 years ago called, Secrets Of Her Success (sounds familiar!). I was truly following my passion. I got to do what I love every day… helping women. But, brewing beneath the surface was overwhelming fear. My smile and positivity couldn’t deceive it. I eventually caved and let that fear stop me right in my tracks. For a year I sat dead in my tracks… yet longing and yearning for my dream. Yet truthfully there I stayed stuck… paralyzed by fear.
Fear of: Letting people down, not being good enough, trying to do something other people are doing better, pouring my heart and soul into it and have no return, people not being interested, running out of money and having to go back to work, not being able to live into my dream….
Along with all the What-If’s: What if… nobody comes, nobody like me, they think I’m stupid, all this work and nothing, other sites are better, if I fail again….
So, I decided… I’m gonna try again. I know clearly that the work I do with Secrets Of Her Success is my passion. A few months ago I wiped out the original SOHS site that I had just left sitting and started this one … brand new, clean slate.
Guess what happened? I got scared again. I could feel all those fears and what-if’s double-triple strong this time! What?!! NOooooo!!
But, here’s what’s happened next. I signed up for Lynn Scheurell’s Quantum Leaping Course when I decided to launch this new site. I made a commitment to myself to get to the source of whatever keeps me so stuck and terrified. Lynn asked when I was going to launch the site. I told her, on my birthday, August 31st. (this is already after I have put it off for 2 months).
So August 30th Lynn asks me, “So, you launching the site tomorrow?”. GULP…”No… next week. :-(“, I say. She reminded me of my commitment to break the loop and my patterns. She reminded me that to break the loop I had to do it on my birthday when I committed to. She helped me create a plan and I made a commitment to her to keep it. I got a little excited! Ya… I think this is gonna work!! I’ll honor that commitment and then surely I’ll be free…right?!
Guess what happened? I honored my commitment and did what I said I’d do… I took that step on my Birthday to launch the site (soft launch). And guess what happened? NOTHING really. I had this vision in my head of all my friends and family coming to the site to support me (and a few did).. that this day would be the day that life would be blown into this site and it would officially be set on it’s way… But it was not what I had envisioned or hoped for…. I had created an expectation (and I knew better than that!)
Then guess what happened? All that fear, worry, what-if’s came rushing in 100 times stronger, heavier, faster than they had ever come in before! I wanted to implode. I wanted to just say, “f*** it”. Maybe this just isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing in life.
So here’s where it gets good… I had a talk with Lynn and she was able to help me uncover the root that I haven’t been able to (or willing) to see…ever. I have always been the girl standing in the middle of the kickball field all suited up and excited for everybody to come play…. but, when I turn around I see everyone going to play softball.
Lynn shared this insight with me:
“To be a leader, you can’t really belong… You have to be willing to stand out there on that leading edge and wait for people to catch up… and in that moment, you don’t know if they will or not. And if it’s not, you have to still believe in yourself… it doesn’t mean you don’t know what you’re doing or aren’t a good leader, just as the sun still shines on a rainy day but we can’t see it.”
Guess what happened? I got it. In an instant my world shifted 1% … and 1% is all it takes to put you on a different course. I decided that instead of turning away and hiding from everything that I’m afraid of that I would try on running into it head on, face first… as fast as I can. AND, to feel everything that comes with it… instead of ignoring, pushing it away, burying it, smiling over it…
And … today that’s what I did… and it feels incredible!! I’m running into it as fast as I can… as hard as I can… the scarier the better!! And… truly things have began to happen. I have happened… and I get that that’s all that matters. I am going to stand on that kickball field in all my glory …. even if it’s all by myself… and I am going to sing my joy!
And… tomorrow that’s what I’ll do… and the next day… and the next day… and the next day…
I love a good coincidence… this video ”coincidentally” showed up in my life this evening. And it is for me to share with you. Thank you Universe for the validation and confirmation. Not just for me.. but for all who read this… all who are afraid.
Shall we run full-out face first into fear… as fast and as hard as we can together? Shall we get run over… and get back up and run faster…. shall we plow through the obstacles… shall we be such a force blasting through fear that we show others how it’s done so they can open their own wings and fly too? I vote yes.
P.S … thank you Lynn 🙂
This video has such deep symbolism… watch it a few times and notice the messages for you.